Bloom To Become

As usual It’s late when I’m making this post. It’s also very hot in NYC. That’s just summer in the city I suppose. Come October I’ll have lived here for 4 years. I’ve decided along with my sexual exploration to have a look at my spiritual self as well. a “Breaking Open of The Head” as it were. Perhaps I’ll find a Beta Partner perhaps I’ll just find myself. Maybe both.
Here I’ll spill out my soul written in my own cunt juice. Elsewhere I’ll write the poetry of my soul. You may read both, you may read none.
Instead of sex tonight. I’d like to be soul baring, if I may.

Mr. H continues to be elusive and mysterious but, he does give me hope that I deserving in my search. He doesn’t seem to care about the limitations I may have. He seem only to care that I am seeking. We are perfectly practical, I know he fucks around he knows I fuck around. Again, if you want a fluffy my Master loves me and only me stories, this not it. I desire him immensely.

Two new people have seemed to enter my universe. Barbie is a fellow sex blogger who I’m nursing girly wood for. So, far its flirtatious tweets. There has been much talk of meeting up. Part of me really wants to but, most of me is too scared. The Comedian is my dream fuckbuddy. No, seriously. I’ve had some hot and heavy dreams about this one. He and I also exchange flirtatious tweets.

I’ve added to my cast list, new people including submissives. While I’m not seeking them I still don’t discount anyone as a potential. This is not to say everyone I meet will go on the list. Just the important ones.

I’m very much missing A. I do hope he is alright. I kind of hope he reads this.

Let me say this, I am at a point where seeking is essential. I don’t “fear” meeting Barbie. I fear that she will not like me and I will like her. This happens.
My fear is roused by a unfriendly little chat with a “friend”. Friend asked me to ask The Comedian for “backing” for his site, which I have not.
Friend then basically said “Why would The Comedian want you? Is it a fetish thing?”
Now, for those of you who do not know,I’m in a wheelchair.It’s a part of me. Like I have big boobs or I’m a writer.
I understand many are squicked out by this. I would hope The Comedian and Babs can like me beyond that. If we’re meant to try anything, friendship or lovers, they’d both have the best. Me. Friend doesn’t seem to understand me.
…I needed to get that off my chest.