Exile in Smutville

My name is Lola Batling and I’ve been a whore. While this is not an apology for anything I have done this is a statement.
I’ve always said that to be good at what you do, you have to give yourself fully. Lately I haven’t been, I felt in the best interest of not getting hurt, surround myself with people.
Great idea!
Except it wasn’t.
I realized…that I’m not getting what I want because instead of letting myself make a friend and possibly a lover. I’ve been having affair after affair BECAUSE I’m afraid to put up and shut up and see what happens with one person. I mean how can I expect to find longterm if I just give it up…because I have no Master. That takes time but how can a real Dom take me seriously if because he’s not around i’ll hop into a bed.

No more bed hopping!

I’m considering myself happily committed. I’m no longer open to new lovers. Talking to a friend, I realized something. I’ve let myself become “anyone’s everything” I never meant to. It just kind of happened. I have many special friendships with the people on my cast list and I hope they understand and stay friends.
I am committed to two very lovely people now, no more playing, no more seeing where things go.Things will never go anywhere until I am smart enough to realize what is right in front is most important. I need to nurture these precious people because they have made me feel so good.

While one is new and I am in no way saying we’re together fully yet, I feel in order to really learn each other and get closer. I need to say :

Ume, I know you might not have been “looking” really and you might be busy with life. But I would like explore this. I am not expecting anything from you. I will take whatever you offer. I like that I matter to you as person. I just needed to say…One means One. I am here, and I’m not going anywhere. Let’s crank up the TARDIS and have a beer. Hold to me, and I’ll hold on tight. I’ll be your tink if you want.

Babykat, I’m no longer searching, I’ve found. Even if you and Ume only stay with me for a short time it’s worth it to grow with you than to not. You love me, you ACTUALLY love me. I’m keeping you as long as you’ll have me.
You ARE the girl of my dreams. I’ll always be your Kiaawa Monster.

I need to focus on these lovely humans right now.

Oh, and Pritkin I will always be here I do not “come back” I really do have something special with you. However, sub-her loves you right now (not saying I don’t love you, but you collared her) be with her. I’m sure no’ren is patient and understanding she’ll be at your side where she belongs always. I love no’ren and yes, I love you. Just don’t forget to talk to me!