I interrupt “Tantalizing Ume” week to clear my head and offer theory and an apology of my own.
To make this entry make entry make any sense I have to explain sub-zen.
For me, when I’m owned as a submissive, I enter this sub-zen state. I’m in it even when I’m Dominating boys and girls. I’m in with Daddy and when he’s away. It’s my power. The illusive spark behind my eyes.
Sub-zen is this state of being where you do even the most mundane tasks well because your actions aren’t just yours any more. Your actions and how well you do things also reflect on your One. So, everything you do you do with pride and you do your best.
For me it brings a focused sense of happiness.This is not to say one can not get sad, it just throws your “zen” off. Which happened to me!
Babykat and I had our first big punishment worthy situation. See, Babykat had lost her sub-zen. It was like the head was there, the heart was there kinda and soul had gone out for sushi. She was hurting me. I was crying more and my tantrum reports to Ume were lackluster and often done late upon waking, after a serve crying jag. For that I apologize, Tantrums will be back to their usual daily meditations, Ume. The emails and blog commenting ARE very much appreciated.
What hit a major nerve was when she said “I decided to be a whore for a bit then work on my task.”
I’d never dream of saying that to Ume, he’d slap the flesh from my face. But, more importantly I know that’s not my place to make that choice with him. its his, and only his. Apparently Babykat forgot when we give ourselves our choices are not always our own.
A punishment essay was assignment. Which was completed today. We talked through it and we’re mended. She’s accepted correction and she’s taking steps to get back her sub-zen.
I’m the Happy Geisha again.
It’s nice to be back.
Tantalizing Ume week is back on!