Exile in Smutville » Living In Sin

Cyber & Lies

Dirty Geisha — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 04:10:57 +0000

“Dear DG,
I’ve been toying with the idea of cyber sex. Like actually doing “it” with a buddy on my list.
But, I have a live in boyfriend, is it wrong?
~CyberVixen in Wa.”

Cybervixen,

Thank you so much for your question. Let me say this cyber sex is just typing out a sex scene. For me it’s like the Tennis of the erotica world. Your partner tosses something out there, and you hit it back. It’s quite good for the erotica writer (and reader). Cyber sex can be used to explore fetishes or activities you may not be able to do in your real life.

I know it still gets the “home alone masturbating into a sock” stigma, but it’s really not all that bad. Just like phone sex, it’s a healthy alternative to sex with strangers you pick up at a bar. Less diseases spread that way. I’m big fan of all things sexy and sexual as long as everyone is safe!

Now, on to the biggie, and I’m sure what was most on your mind. If you’re in a relationship, is it cheating? Yes and no, not big help right? Well what’s your (as a couple) definition of cheating? Is it so high that thoughts are cheating? Is it if you feel for someone other than your partner? or it actual insertion?

Think about it.

Technically, it isn’t if your definition is just sex. Since it’s just words on a screen it is writing. However if your definition involves the mental, thinking of others is cheating then…well…you see where I’m going with this.
Although, I’ve never met one person who didn’t fantasize about someone or watch porn while alone, even in committed relationships.
As long as it’s just talk and harmless fun, I’d say you’re in the clear on this one.

If you still feel antsy about it, my best advice is to have a conversation with your mate. Just bring it up, discuss porn with him first. I’m sure he’s got similar worries there. I’ve seen girls go mental because their man watches porn, I’m sure he has too. Slip cyber sex in there too, and I’m sure he’ll think you’re giving him permission, not asking for it.
`
I hope that helps. My own personal view is simple. I think it’s unhealthy to believe people who committed NEVER think of anyone else ever. I think once you stop believing that your sex life will get spicier. Fantasy doesn’t hurt, its when we feel bad about it, obsess over it things can get out of hand.

Remember, all you need is love.
Sinfully Yours,
Dirty Geisha

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up.

Dirty Geisha — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 04:10:27 +0000

(Written in 2005, for the original run of Living in Sin on PopTrash Magazine)
I’m sitting here on Jak’s laptop since my poor ibook Gia has a broken cable. I have been staring at the blank screen for several minutes now contemplating things. Asking Sabina if I could ever compile this column into a book, how I want to get some stripey knee socks I saw on ebay, you know normal everyday twenty-something thoughts. I’ve been listening to our new neighbor’s Weiner dog bark and yowl; I’m thinking maybe he’s commiserating with me. No, he’s trapped in his own plight of being locked in a room all day by himself. So, now I’m sitting here thinking how if I had a Weiner dog I’d probably name it Penny and I’d never make her carry on like the poor dog down the hall. My thoughts again scatter themselves to a Pullip, which has been paid for but never came and a beautiful ooak Pullip I saw on ebay and how I want to learn the fine art of doll repainting.
Why am I like this?
Just last night I received possibly the most disturbing phone sex I’d had in a long time. A caller shot himself right with me on the phone. The unmistakable sound of a gun shot followed by the heavy and wet (yes, wet) sound of a body falling with a thud to the floor. Things like this always scare me, my current track record stands at one confession of incestuous sexual abuse, being asked to perform feletio on my younger brother, and I’ve had two other suicides. Now if you’re like me you’re probably wondering do these guys seek you out? Maybe, the thought crossed my mind I open myself up for this in this line of work. Then I always fantasize about getting some normal job like in a bookstore or maybe filler writer at a paper. Then it dawns on me, I would probably just give the “crazies” to some other poor girl who may not be as able to deal with this. Add a new dimension to that part therapist part whore part actress part spy to my description I am part sin eater. I think people find it easy to confess to me because I am a stranger maybe even after someone gets to know me I remain a stranger.
By now you’re thinking you’ve had two other suicide confessions, why is this one worth rambling about? Two reasons my dear readers, one, I knew him and two I know how he feels because damnit all if I’m not feeling the same way. Rode hard and put away wet. Please keep in mind this isn’t your average sex column. No, every once in a while I like to examine the human condition and give you guys a “field report” as it were. Let’s face the entire human races’ guilty pleasure has got to be voyeurism, I’m convinced why do you think Jackie Collins is a best selling author and 80% of television is reality programming? Because we LOVE to watch, plain and simple, we crave the giddy thrill. I must digress however and get back to this man’s death and the wretched feeling in my stomach.
Earlier I said I knew the man in question, I didn’t, that is to say he’s not a friend but a while back he did stalk me. You see, in 2005 I made the decision to move from pictures of myself in various sexy outfits to content. Content safe to say it’s not me you’re looking at in photos but you are talking to me on the phone. I chose a nice little redhead as my new “me” to supplement a major crush I have on Sky Salt’s singer the lovely Xenia. Walter, found her to be hot, so what the hell he gave me a call. It was an awesome first call we talked about of all things manga, I was pleased as punch especially when he became a weekly regular dropping close to a hundred dollars each call. Walter seemed very friendly at first he really did than things got creepy. You see Walter would jerk off while asking me how old I was over and over until he came. Which I fine with until “That’s my slut fuck of a girlfriend” came out of his mouth. Furthermore after that he started being more adamant about me meeting him. Let’s just say he scared me so bad one night I had to turn him over to NiteFlirt.
3,000 dollars made and I felt somehow violated and like he was going to leap out from under my bed and kill me. He maintained his distance for a while of course soon he was contacting me on my AIM so to avoid further hurting him I just blocked him.
I thought everything was over until last night at 10:37 I receive a call. I politely answer and wait for a response, there is none. My spine tingles strangely familiar fear.
“I’m going to die.” I recognize his southern twang and I shake a little.
“Walter, don’t…” I trail off a little not knowing what to say really, in all honesty I shouldn’t care but damn my morals I do.
“You were the last thing I wanted, a whore!”
“I’m not a whore.” I say defensively.
“No one’s ever loved me, and no one ever will.”
I start to say I’m sure that’s not true, but its too late the shot is fired and he’s gone. I call out to him a few times, nothing. I hang up and weep bitterly.
I cant help but wonder in my mind, have I been loved? Did Aaron love me? Did Mary or Luna? Will I ever know true love? I began crying over Walter but in the end my tears were for me and my string of failed lovers. I can say this; I know now the importance of letting your loved ones know exactly how you feel. Sappy yes, but true, I am now plotting out ways to tell the most special people just how I feel.
I may not have been able to help Walter but surely someone could’ve. I feel somehow my gift of gab may have misled him somehow. Maybe he thought we shared some deep bond through manga whatever it was, I feel awful. He felt so alone; he had to pay to get somebody to hear his last words. It rips my heart out every time I think about it.
So, here’s to you Walter where ever you are….

Sinfully Yours,

Cowboy Sex?

Dirty Geisha — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:23:06 +0000

“ Dear Miss Geisha,
My husband confessed he wanted me to play with his ass. What should I do? Is he gay?
-Unsure in Tx”

First let me assure you your husband is most likely not gay. Ass play does not make anyone gay. Liking men would make your husband gay. Be worried if he asks to call you “Kevin” during sex. Liking anal stimulation does not make someone gay, it just means they want a little sexual exploration. This could open up whole new areas of play for you both!

Now, first when attempting anal play, RELAX. If you’re uptight your partner will be too. Also enjoy yourself, sex in any form should be about enjoyment. The advice I’m about to give is of course my opinion and I encourage you to read more. For further reading please pick up, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent.

When you start to play with someone’s ass for the first time use fingers and lots of lube. Even if they’ve played with their ass before, you also need to feel comfortable with it. Starting small is fine. Your partner will be pleased you are making an effort. Whatever you do, don’t use a huge strap-on your first time out.

Do not attempt using toys until you are 100% comfortable and ready to do so. I also heartily suggest trying all anal toys on yourself. So you can have some idea of the pleasure and maybe get some of your own while you’re at it. Knowing what you’re doing in this regard is always a plus.

And feel free to send questions or comments to me, your friendly sex advisor. Just comment below or e-mail tantrum@thedirtygeisha.com

Sinfully Yours,
Dirty Geisha

Kids…Are Alright?

Dirty Geisha — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 05:03:59 +0000

I have kind of neglected my sex Diva duties… and this really is not a sex question per se. It’s more of a society question. It’s relevant so why not?

Read on.

“Dear Miss Geisha,
Let me say first I love your “Living In Sin” column. You offer real and funny advice. While my question isn’t really sex related I thought I’d ask you anyway..
Why does society care soooo much about celebrity babies and children, but not like everyday regular kids?”
~Kyra in NYC

Thank you for your kind words Kyra.Greetings fellow New Yorker!
The better question would be why does society care so much about celebrities in general? Is life in America so dull?
Celebrities and their kids are just like everyone else, they just have cameras shoved in their faces. Does that make their lives, opinions, child rearing more important?
No.
As a matter of my opinion, most people are escapists. Some like me, love great books. Still many people seem to prefer US Weekly or Star.
“We” care how many kids Angelina has because it lets us…

A. Feel good cause we only have to worry about houseplants.

B. Forget we owe X thing money.

Whatever the reason, it lets pass judgment/live vicariously through someone “better than us”
As for not caring for regular kids, I think they do care, it’s just not always seen. Plus really celebrities make raising children look really easy.
Hope that helps…

If any of my lovely readers have questions, please email me at aural@inkigirl.com or leave a comment right here.
Sinfully Yours,
Dirty Geisha

The Exes (Anniversary)

Dirty Geisha — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 04:43:26 +0000

Editor’s Note: This was written a year or more ago, for the sake of my readers I put it here. Originally published Oct. ’05…

Enjoy. please mail me privately this site is meant to provide advice!

“The boy in the coloring book and the girl with the analog heart.”

Many of you may find this column to be self serving and it is.
I’ve been through a break up, I was with my ex for three years and in a matter of nine days it was dead. We had a polyamourous relationship yes, but he was the center he was the Mate.

(to be fair it wasn’t really poly. He’d cheat on me and I’d return the favor. He’d beat me over it but, I was expected to be okay with it all.)

This break up hurts more than any I’ve gone through, I’m certain it will be a tough one to get over.
The last two weeks I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what to do with myself. My work on my second novel, Sweet Angel, Suicide Kiss (out October 4TH) has kept me distracted nicely. Good friends are always nice too, thank you to Pop Trash’s own Sabina for all the kind words.
The question now is just how hard will it be to pull apart three years of living together? The Answer pretty damn hard! I often wonder as I’m bubble wrapping dolls and finding a temporary home for my cat Bartelby, if all of this would be easier if he hadn’t found an idealistic lolita to “love” the answer? Hell yes it would!
I feel like those frumpy old housewives, totally unsexy, which makes my job almost painful somehow. Luckily for me early-mid September is still “slow”. I’m honestly not offering advice or wisdom here I know, unless its sexy girls get dumped too. I’m just relating how painful this whole thing has been for me.
There is one bright spot to this, I found out I have options, and there is life after “death”. I lost a lover but I found a once lost friend. Finally a way to realize my dream of living in New York City!

Sinfully Yours,
Dirty Geisha

Porn Debate

Dirty Geisha — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:11:52 +0000

Hello all you sinners, and saints that might be peeking. I am back from my long hiatus.

During which I did many things, but most importantly I signed a contract with a porn site which brings me to my weigh in on a very important debate.
Is porn a item of free speech or something that can be regulated?
Pornography on the internet is an interesting debate. People say it’s wrong, and cite religious texts and the ilk. People say it’s right, will tell you its freedom of speech and leave it at that. Neither side look into their rationale beyond their gut reactions that have been colored by religious views or hard lined opinions of the Constitution.
While pornography is freedom of speech, it’s also freedom of choice. You can choose to look, and use safe search filters and use software like net nanny to avoid porn. You can chose to disrobe for the camera or not.
Choosing is what makes us a great nation. However given the current trend of taking away our choice, we should at least fight to keep this one.

As someone who runs a solo girl amateur porn site, rules and laws affect me. I believe there should be rules and regulations to an extent. All models should be over eighteen years of age, and be able to prove it. Outside of that the government shouldn’t be able to censor human sexuality.
Pornography is a form of speech, just like an article or story it is protected by law. Sharing photos and videos is just like running an alternative newspaper. Some people choose to express themselves pornographically.
After all, some of history’s most revered classical works of literature were once deemed pornography. Leading to the point that pornography is difficult to accurately define. It is not just photos and videos its also a term used to describe certain written works and cinematic films. Defining porn is a personal thing. The old quote goes, “I can’t tell you what’s the difference between art and porn, but I’ll know it when I see it.” In choosing to regulate porn, someone must make the rules on what is or is not okay. Who decides? I mean yes all models should be eighteen but after that, what’s up for grabs? Most fetishes are not understood and deemed as dirtier than they actually are.
Porn has always been around and will always be. The internet has just made it easier to access than in the 1970s.
People enjoy skin and will go to great lengths to see it. What’s the harm? Sex is healthy and the dirtier we make it seem the more tempting it will become.

Sinfully Yours,
Dirty Geisha

A Deal Breaker?

Dirty Geisha — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:21:53 +0000

Note: I’m reposting & restarting my old sex advice column Living In Sin. Enjoy!! Moving to my new blog!

Since everyone’s always coming to me for sex advice. (God knows why)
I’ve decided to answer a question posed by one of my friends.
“I have a question. I am not meaning this to sound harsh, degrading or personally offensive to anyone in any way, it is something I have been pondering for a long while.

What is it about anal sex that makes it so highly valued and coveted, more so then any other sex act? What is it about anal sex that makes it such a big deal breaker (IE if a girl/guy won’t give it up, then their partner cheats, and possibly ends the relationship). I’ve asked many friends about this, and they explained why it feels good to them, but that’s not what I’m wanting to know. What I am wondering is how did anal sex become such a highly valued, prized sex act that relationships can be made and broken on it?”
~Waxing Erotic

My first thoughts on this is any relationship where something sexual is a deal breaker or deal maker, isn’t a good relationship to be in. Relationships to me consist of emotions and feelings. Sexual “relationships” aren’t relationships and if you’re going to enter a “bed buddy” situtation you should always make sure that your interests match up.
Now because I didn’t want to sound like one of those women who think all men are scum (they aren’t, just missguided sometimes) I decided to get my submissive Wynter Wulff involved, partially because anal sex is his forte. He summed it fairly well.
That’s perhaps one of the simplest questions I’ve ever had to answer really — quite frankly it’s prized after so much because it’s just a taboo. It’s just like anything else that is forbidden to us, some of us just want to… no have to experience it. It’s just one of those dark little things some of us [guys and girls] like. Though I know it relates to guys, I’m sure some girls can relate to this too. It’s like when most of us were children, porn was off limits to us… but what happened? The more we were told not to do it, not to indulge in such “entertainment”, the more we sought after it… and I’m sure when you got your little hands on that magazine, movie, or whatever I bet it felt like a prize didn’t it? So to reiterate my bullshit: Anal sex = taboo, and we all know how those things forbidden most to us seem to intrigue us the most. But just as you briefly brushed by on, not everyone is into anal, just like no everyone likes to give oral either… forcing any sex act on a person with out consent is sexual abuse and possibly rape and can result in some harsh punishment for trying to seek such a prize from an unwilling partner… and cheating, well personally that’s just lower and lower. Especially if it’s over something like anal… geeze, get a hobby or something.

Sinfully Yours,

Dirty Geisha