Exile in Smutville » normal life

In Time

Dirty Geisha — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 20:02:47 +0000

I wanted to delete everything I wrote. Tear down everything I’ve done here. In the last year it’s gotten bad. It stopped being a story and become ALL about my phone sex job. I feel bad for it. I’m more than a phone whore or tele Dominatrix but honestly it was easier than talking about my feelings…

Way easier than admitting part of me still loved Simirae and that even more of me wanted to fuck Babykat raw because I STILL love her. It’s better that I still do. Admitting that is hard, but vital to actually moving on. I want to call myself Babykat sometimes to wrap myself in that name. Sometimes I think if I do I will find peace. To feel safe like when I was with her.

But fuck it. It’s my blog it’s my cunt and if they like it so much let’s see some effort. So far all I’ve gotten is “I can’ts” and it’s sort of really pissing me off. I would break a law for love if I had something like this.

I’ve also promised myself more sexual adventures, with that comes the better blogging. (I hope) I’m still struggling with identity. Now, I have reached this point where I want to write more hardcore erotica (I think)

I do not however want to give up the urban fantasy and steampunk genres. I am thinking of pulling an Ian Banks move. Similar names and fully promoting both (TDG would be my classy smut home iwanna would be dirrrrty) I’m not totally sure yet. It seems silly to be worrying about this, but it’s better than obsessing about everything else.

Just write…

It’s what I do best after all.
Perhaps I should free myself for awhile to write and see if I like anything first. Before I worry about the hows and actually publishing anything. I need to calm down and just do what needs to be done before I clam up and get stuck in “what if” doubty mode. Just…write..
As someone who is an online Domme I’m constantly surprised that stuff STILL comes up. I’ve been doing this for a few years. It seems like this should be old hat and a total duh. Still if you’re a newbie read this How To Approach an Online Domme

(It is required reading now.)

I enjoy my work but I’d enjoy it a lot more if some boys exercised common sense when contacting and dealing with me. I love the boys that do. Like Mr. Grayson, he’s a good boy. Speaking of…

Lately I’ve been contemplating a multitude of things.

1. What should I do for my next Erotic Hypnosis MP3? Please leave suggestions in the comments.
2. Does Mr. Grayson actually want to…and what would be the nature of our relationship?
3. Could I live my dreams and what are they exactly?

I’ve thought about doing some non sexual guided meditation like MP3s. Like this awesome one by my heroine Otep!

She’s an influence on my work. I’d consider it amazing to create poems like hers. (But, you know funny. My spoken word erotica is great but I’d like to be funny too!) Lets see how well and balance both.

I think its interesting that most other Dommes set themselves up as Princesses or Goddesses, me I’m more of a slut priestess. Marie Laveau and Courtney Love are great heroines as well. Mother figures I would think.

Good Bye To You

Dirty Geisha — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 07:20:13 +0000

You’ll never guess where I am right now. In my old teenage bedroom, hating circumstance. Why? My flat caught fire. I had to leave my beloved city because I couldn’t find housing in time and as much as I hate to admit it…I’m broke as a joke.

I have nothing but fond memories of the last six years of my life have been some of my best. I’ve wrote three books, and had my first poly relationship begin and end. I’ve come close to finally having a “wife.” I’ve had some great times with friends. I’m deeply homesick.

As I come back into focus on this blog, I hope to feature more writing about my sex life. After all this did start off as a sex blog. I will leave most of my chatter about Niteflirt at fkmuse. Plus, I’ve learned I like talking about my sex life. The reason I “stopped” was I was being read by a cast member. I didn’t want to say something hurtful. I’m not quite sure how to get around this…yet.

I could ask them to stop but, I’ve learned that only leads to a desperate to read what I’ve written. Whatever my answer is I hope it comes to me quickly. I want to go on more adventures and be able to share them with you.

Yule: Notes and Intensity

Dirty Geisha — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:55:45 +0000

As some sort of pagan I celebrate Yule. I sort of half heartedly did it this year. I’ll be honest, with my migraines acting up I’m sleeping or crying. Judas doesn’t quite grasp that it’s not him its me. I want to burrow away, not really interested in much else.

2012 is looking to be an intense year. I have many things I hope to achieve and things to do. Right now its all a swirl in my head. I’m walking a divine path (Take that either way, both would be right.) I’ve reached the conclusion that kink is where I’m comfortable. Things that drive me to submit make me centered the things I am and do as a bottom make me a good Domina. The things that compel me to be a tarot reader make me a sweet nurturing yet wicked Domina.

My question has always been: How do I choose? not the better How do I balance? How do I make myself happy. The more I thought on this the answer became clear. Stop being at war with yourself. Names are just names. Who cares if I use a vanilla name and an “Adult” name? It’s still me and I’m not doing anything other writers don’t.

If five years down the road, I want to pick a new name to merge both those who mind will do so but, I think many people will understand. Maybe they’ve been there too, maybe they’ll just like the ride. My point is My past sometimes makes harder to realize these things.

Clarity hit like a summer storm a few days ago.

While lying naked in bed. In trance with a friend. Somehow he was able to make me step back and see. I can do all of what I desire. In the end I only have my own happiness. Something I’ve been saying but then doubting for a while.

He had me in trance. That was ever so lovely. I was happier then I’d ever been.

So, look for changes.

You Come

Dirty Geisha — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 01:17:35 +0000

Month after month men and women come to this blog. You all come here for many different reasons. Some to get off, still others to learn. But, I hope you all come here to be inspired.To read about a strange but lovely girl’s struggle to balance a poly-BDSM lifestyle with work as pro Domina and Erotic Hypnotist along with motherhood and being a geeky comedy wife. It’s not easy. I’m a person first I will FORGET things…
This does not mean I am a fake or a liar merely able to err. I also like having sex and occasionally showing off this doesn’t mean I am a whore who will do anything for money. It means I am a woman who’s confident enough to flaunt it.

A few years ago I made the ” Watch My…” clip as a young hypnotist,my fear steams not from inexperience but from a fear of being filmed something I am trying to get over it because I actually like telling jokes as well as just general public speaking.
So, towards the end of this year I’m doing more videos. Getting more comfortable as more than just a voice. Your continued support is appreciated as explore myself and my sexuality and *hopefully* tell you some great stories. Earlier today I wrote the pretty carnivore manifesto I suppose you could liken it or group it in with my identify writings I hope you enjoy.

Haus of Nepenthe is Open

Dirty Geisha — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 05:14:22 +0000

Like the Cyber geisha-gypsy I am I’ve put up a little rug with wares!It’s lovely. You’ll adore my sensual scents to bring love and lust. You can get my steampunk style too. Even my nerdly awesome Doctor Who themed paper dolls! Take those to your cubicle make your co-workers super jealous.

I’m a cyber geispy!

All silliness aside, buy from my Etsy shop and I may not steal your soul. I’ll give awesome freebies in November!

I just gave you a hint about my REAL Halloween costume. As well as my artistic passions! In November you’ll see me on Skin Video slacking on NaNoWriMo doing nude art time, possibly naked word sprints. If you’re lucky. I’ve been dying to get on and do live Erotic Hypnosis shows!

Oh, there’s a Halloween Erotica video from me on Skin Video. Check it and my other videos out. It’s all really good. You can buy my vids and get off in amazing new ways!

Identify

Dirty Geisha — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 01:23:15 +0000

The post you are about to read was inspired by this post Because I too am rediscovering myself at the roots of my teenage wildlife.

A lot of my readers may have noticed my identify tag. Or my experiments in what and who I am. What makes me, well me. Who am I? A question we all ask from time to time. Me, more so I suppose. My parents lied to me about LOTS of things. So, I’m left trying to figure out what’s true. So, I have chosen to become myself. To stop sorting through lies and almost forgotten memories and be me girl with names and sass. Be my own creation instead of a burden or a bane. This is a revelation I’ve been manifesting for sometime. I always come to this point but I shrink back, this year, I won’t be shrinking.

It’s time to start making my own history to stop worrying about my past. From this day forward its a story my mother told me. It doesn’t make me who I am. I’ve made me who I am. Judas and Jak love me for who I am.

Today, I am happy. Today I am loved and held dear. Today I am me. Who knows where I’ve come from and that’s okay.

Outting The Flawed Goddess

Dirty Geisha — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 04:07:07 +0000

Want a website about fucking me? No, Another one. A fantasy smut one to be exact. You do, well good have I got one for you. Fuck me. Harder. The concept behind this is. You can write in, suggest whatever you want, as long as it’s me getting fucked in story form. Sort of like an erotic text version of my sexy friend Crazy Slutty But, that’s not all!
No my Lovely Lacie videos will be featured only on Iwannafkmuse.com! (After Lacie’s debut here of course!) Here’s me still exploring and hoping to make you laugh and cum. You boys, who love to know I’m a slut for alpha males are sure to enjoy the content. You boys who are sweet on me shall be much loved.
I’m starting to love myself better than I ever thought possible. I love it when I’m back to myself. 1/4 artist. 1/4 culture whore. 1/4 lover 1/4 hypnotist. 100% DirtyGeisha. Feel me returning?
I don’t need you to think I’m perfect, some of the best Goddesses are flawed after all? Who needs perfect you just need me. Get your whorship on here+ here

Stay lusty..
I know I will.

Topless Tarot Erotic Tarot Readings

Dirty Geisha — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 04:26:06 +0000

Liking my advice so far? But, want to see my mystical side? I do have a vanilla side that is that of a tarot reader. (I’ve talked about here a few times, I think!)

A new feature I’m doing on SkinVideo or by appointment on skype.Get a Topless Tarot reading! Be advised on matters of the heart!

We all have issues, tarot is not *just* a woman’s thing!. Using tarot to provide a mirror unto yourself is a good thing! Trust me, plus who doesn’t love my jugs? I’ll use my no nonsense approach to reading your cards. I can use my cards and knowledge to help you with all types of relationships. I won’t just offer new age advice either, no just cast a love spell from me!
I’ll give you real advice that’s based on actions. I’ll give you a plan of action so to speak. Just like I do for my Living in Sin and Ask Miss Geek columns.

Gain:

♠ Clarity into the processes you are currently experiencing in your life.

♠ Possible solutions to the challenges you are facing.

♠ Get suggestions on actions you can take to improve your situation, empower yourself.

♠ Understanding about how you see sex, love, and relationships in your world.

Sometimes the best thing we can do when we have a problem is to seek outside help. A person like can be exactly need them to be, A source of support and advice not involved in the situation. Let me help you. Let me give you the keys to empower yourself.

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up.

Dirty Geisha — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 04:10:27 +0000

(Written in 2005, for the original run of Living in Sin on PopTrash Magazine)
I’m sitting here on Jak’s laptop since my poor ibook Gia has a broken cable. I have been staring at the blank screen for several minutes now contemplating things. Asking Sabina if I could ever compile this column into a book, how I want to get some stripey knee socks I saw on ebay, you know normal everyday twenty-something thoughts. I’ve been listening to our new neighbor’s Weiner dog bark and yowl; I’m thinking maybe he’s commiserating with me. No, he’s trapped in his own plight of being locked in a room all day by himself. So, now I’m sitting here thinking how if I had a Weiner dog I’d probably name it Penny and I’d never make her carry on like the poor dog down the hall. My thoughts again scatter themselves to a Pullip, which has been paid for but never came and a beautiful ooak Pullip I saw on ebay and how I want to learn the fine art of doll repainting.
Why am I like this?
Just last night I received possibly the most disturbing phone sex I’d had in a long time. A caller shot himself right with me on the phone. The unmistakable sound of a gun shot followed by the heavy and wet (yes, wet) sound of a body falling with a thud to the floor. Things like this always scare me, my current track record stands at one confession of incestuous sexual abuse, being asked to perform feletio on my younger brother, and I’ve had two other suicides. Now if you’re like me you’re probably wondering do these guys seek you out? Maybe, the thought crossed my mind I open myself up for this in this line of work. Then I always fantasize about getting some normal job like in a bookstore or maybe filler writer at a paper. Then it dawns on me, I would probably just give the “crazies” to some other poor girl who may not be as able to deal with this. Add a new dimension to that part therapist part whore part actress part spy to my description I am part sin eater. I think people find it easy to confess to me because I am a stranger maybe even after someone gets to know me I remain a stranger.
By now you’re thinking you’ve had two other suicide confessions, why is this one worth rambling about? Two reasons my dear readers, one, I knew him and two I know how he feels because damnit all if I’m not feeling the same way. Rode hard and put away wet. Please keep in mind this isn’t your average sex column. No, every once in a while I like to examine the human condition and give you guys a “field report” as it were. Let’s face the entire human races’ guilty pleasure has got to be voyeurism, I’m convinced why do you think Jackie Collins is a best selling author and 80% of television is reality programming? Because we LOVE to watch, plain and simple, we crave the giddy thrill. I must digress however and get back to this man’s death and the wretched feeling in my stomach.
Earlier I said I knew the man in question, I didn’t, that is to say he’s not a friend but a while back he did stalk me. You see, in 2005 I made the decision to move from pictures of myself in various sexy outfits to content. Content safe to say it’s not me you’re looking at in photos but you are talking to me on the phone. I chose a nice little redhead as my new “me” to supplement a major crush I have on Sky Salt’s singer the lovely Xenia. Walter, found her to be hot, so what the hell he gave me a call. It was an awesome first call we talked about of all things manga, I was pleased as punch especially when he became a weekly regular dropping close to a hundred dollars each call. Walter seemed very friendly at first he really did than things got creepy. You see Walter would jerk off while asking me how old I was over and over until he came. Which I fine with until “That’s my slut fuck of a girlfriend” came out of his mouth. Furthermore after that he started being more adamant about me meeting him. Let’s just say he scared me so bad one night I had to turn him over to NiteFlirt.
3,000 dollars made and I felt somehow violated and like he was going to leap out from under my bed and kill me. He maintained his distance for a while of course soon he was contacting me on my AIM so to avoid further hurting him I just blocked him.
I thought everything was over until last night at 10:37 I receive a call. I politely answer and wait for a response, there is none. My spine tingles strangely familiar fear.
“I’m going to die.” I recognize his southern twang and I shake a little.
“Walter, don’t…” I trail off a little not knowing what to say really, in all honesty I shouldn’t care but damn my morals I do.
“You were the last thing I wanted, a whore!”
“I’m not a whore.” I say defensively.
“No one’s ever loved me, and no one ever will.”
I start to say I’m sure that’s not true, but its too late the shot is fired and he’s gone. I call out to him a few times, nothing. I hang up and weep bitterly.
I cant help but wonder in my mind, have I been loved? Did Aaron love me? Did Mary or Luna? Will I ever know true love? I began crying over Walter but in the end my tears were for me and my string of failed lovers. I can say this; I know now the importance of letting your loved ones know exactly how you feel. Sappy yes, but true, I am now plotting out ways to tell the most special people just how I feel.
I may not have been able to help Walter but surely someone could’ve. I feel somehow my gift of gab may have misled him somehow. Maybe he thought we shared some deep bond through manga whatever it was, I feel awful. He felt so alone; he had to pay to get somebody to hear his last words. It rips my heart out every time I think about it.
So, here’s to you Walter where ever you are….

Sinfully Yours,

Innit Lola, Lacie?

Dirty Geisha — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 04:28:45 +0000

Identity issues. Everyone has them. I wanted a separate “Erotic” self. I “cleaned” up Lola. As I’ve said, Not many people could have two jobs, that are so different.
Everyone is allowed to explore themselves fully. Lacie is my scapegoat sexy self. There I’ve said it. In writing.What’s in a name, power, beauty, fame?

I am she and she is me and we are all together. I am a journalist and an eroticist. Some people fiddle with their gender. I fiddle with identity and naming of the psyche. So, why not explore this some more. I feel having an alias or two, or perhaps three is everyone is allowed. It’s not lying if you’ll cop to it after all.

Lacie is me and we were interviewed here