On to the first, I have a puppet fetish. I want to be played with like a puppet. Judas knows this well and loves to use it.

CharmingGeisha

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I crouch on the toilet my legs spread wide. Lewdly wide, it feels ridiculous and naughty. I untie one side of my panties. My fingers seek out my throbbing clit. I finger my clit, causing my thighs to twitch immediately. I need this, I can hear his voice in my head. My mind replays his voice telling me to touch my cunt. I obey.

I rub slowly but it only takes me five minutes to come to a loud orgasm. I’m shamelessly squirting all over my fingers and laughing. As I climb down I notice some hit the door and floor, I decide to leave it there to tired to clean it up. I retie the violet ribbon at my hip. My black skirt falls nicely. Sated I can get back to work.

Back at the booth I check my BlackBerry there’s an email from Jones. The third to our happy little trio. He’s outside, he’s waiting for me. This is a surprise. I email back it’ll be a bit.

When I get outside he’s standing there just waiting. I look at him with his blonde hair and eyeliner. He looked perfect I hugged him and held hand as we headed to 16th street.
At the bus stop he was talking to me while his fingers played over my mound. I blushed no one could really see, to others we looked like he was holding me close.

“Someone enjoyed herself.” He whispered in my ear.

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to finger fuck you.” He whispers in my ear as we climb the steps. I blush as I pay fare.
We walk to the back and cram ourselves into the wheel well seat. His fingers ease inside me My greedy fuckhole sucks him inside.

“You’re going to suck these clean.” I taunt him.

“Yes.” He whispers.

He makes me orgasm again for the second time tonight, five people sitting around us completely unaware. That’s when I got an evil thought I lifted my hips untying my panties. The flimsy fabric clung I pulled the black and white stripped fabric free. Shoving it quickly in Jones’s waiting mouth. I watched him suck while the violet ribbons hang from his mouth.

That’s how I pull him from the bus, he’s my little pull toy. I lead him across the street and upstairs to my brother’s apartment. Once inside I pull the panties free from his mouth.

“Strip.” I tell him.

He unbelts his jeans pulling them down. I can see his cock straining through his shorts before he pulls them off setting them aside. Seconds later my wet panties are wrapped around his cock and his fist is pumping fast and furious. Gasping as he goes.

“Lacie” He screams out as he spurts thick ropes of cum coat my panties. We’re both tired and flushed. We’re both panting

“You want to wear them to bed?” I say with a lazy grin. I’m fastening them on before he can say yes, but he does.

I’m pleased.

Dead set on serving in the Smutville Army? I’m pleased to have one so devoted! My subjects must be absolutely willing to be in my thrall. This will work on men or women, I’ll take you all. Let’s revel in our naked lust as your addiction grows An extension of my heady “Padlock” MP3. It works a deepening of my previous padlock MP3. Sort of a remix. Well over 20 minutes of purely erotic trance. Five layers of slave training for you. Indulge in you true nature and serve a true Goddess of the web.

$15.00

Hours later the bruise from his teeth was in full bloom on my neck. A lovely
purple grey shade. The top I’d selected was plenty low cut enough to display my ample cleavage and the bruise. I wore no necklace, I was proud. Callum was taking me to Medrona, the fetish ball to end them all.

As his pet.

I’d been a registered Domina last year. I knew many would see this as a “how the mighty have fallen” situation. I didn’t, actively. I was trying not to anyway. It was up in my head. I was dressed in a red satin dress with heavy corset boning in the bodice. Callum had picked it out for me, and told me I was to wear it tonight in front of the crowd at Medrona.

I did not object, I mean how could object to finery? Callum was dressed in black, black suit, black shoes, black shirt, black tie. He looked so fucking good, and I could tell that’s exactly what he was going for. We piled into the back of his chauffeur driven town car.

Medrona was always held at Hotel W. We were a quiet well dressed looking bunch.

After all, it was invitation only, and you had to BDSM “elite” to get in. Which her meant you understood you don’t show up in a leather harness and ruin the hotel’s reputation. Oh, and you were descent human beings.

“I’ve rented the honeymoon suite.” Callum whispered in my ear as we walked to the check in desk. My mind boggled, he was spoiling me, but, my mind what elsewhere to the typical girl place.

“Enjoy your stay Mr. and Mrs. Ramone.” The desk clerk winked at me with a smile. I chucked as Dante pulled me through the lobby. Turning more than afew heads as we made our way to the elevator.

“Ramone?” I questioned laughing as the elevator lurched upward.

“I did want to pretend we’re married.” Callum said with a shrug as the doors opened. I stayed back. My heart was pounding, cause I called him my husband once, a week ago and I thought it freaked him out. I guess I was wrong.

Spill.

Callum pushed my body against the door. It clicked closed soundly, and was firm against my backside. A mewling sound escaped my lips it was met by a growl from Dante’s own lips as he towered over me. My heart beat faster. Being with Callum never made sure if I wanted to run or come.

Before I could say anything Callum was kissing me We have this way of kissing sometimes. Itʻs like we used the otherʻs lungs to breathe. He was breathing my air, my heart leapt. I pressed my body to his, I wanted to crawl inside him. When I was this close to him all I could do was want to be not just the girl he loved but his heart. That way I could be with him.

Always.

He pushed me on to the bed. He was laying me back. my arms were over my head as he broke the kiss I whimpered like I was in pain. His mouth trailed over my neck he knew just where to lick and bite. I felt his hands lifting my shirt, then a rain of kisses on my belly.

The sound of ripping fabric, the feel of cold air on my legs. Wetness pressed against my clit. My panties were ruined, but Callum was being awfully meticulous about the dress. The satin felt like slippery cream against my skin. The corset was getting tighter. Binding me. I realized I was panting like a bitch in heat. I could barely feel his mouth and I was already worked
up.

Callum was licking my pussy, I swear he was determined to make me give him my ownership of my pussy by making me loose my mind during orgasm.

With each lick I felt it slipping. The way his tongue caressed me in that moment Iʻd chain my soul to his for just one orgasm.

One.

Callum’s tongue flicked my clit and I exploded. Brightness and blackness fought for space in front of my eyes. My pussy shook and quivered as his tongue played along my skin.

“That’s a good girl.” He said it like I’d just gotten an A in Algebra. That was just how Dante was.

“Come on girl.” He said getting to his feet. I laughed a bit.

“We’re going to be late.” He said pulling me up.

“For?” I asked looking into his pretty blue eyes still very intoxicated. He just chuckled as he opened the door. He barely gave me time to fix my dress and hair.

“I’m gonna watch them pass me by Maybe when I’m older. What do you think I’d see If I could walk away from me?”
-Lou Reed “Candy Says”

It’s only March and I’m dreaming of Summer. Possible coming from
impossibility. It always held such promise when I was younger and in school,where house parties like the one in the “1979” music video happened every night.

Damn you Smashing Pumpkins for making my teenage years seem so dull. I dream of his voice, even though I’ve yet to hear it. I dream of it the way I dreamt of becoming a rock star.

Every night.

I want him to put effort into me. Send me a package, prove to my abused and barely held together heart that I matter. I want to send him back my zines, maybe then he’d see. See he’s got The Hope Diamond in miniature, from a gum ball machine. I want him to hold my words in his hands. More than I’ve wanted anyone to have them.

I was wandering through the subway terminal. Lou Reed sings to me in my earbud. I’m singing back. Softly, subtle. Maybe PunkDaddy can hear me sing. Daddies are like gods right? I struck out and I have Dionysus.

Lucky me.

I need reassurance. I need PunkDaddy. He and I are cut from the same cloth. Even thinking that makes me ache somewhere low in my body. I need him to hold me and make me feel precious like I’m his neon lit Courtney Love wearing a crown of orchids. Only he gets me this way. 20 years, I’ve been searching for him. Praying on the prayer candles at the Dominican church near my apartment , rubbing Buddha’s belly.

Anything.

Anything at all to get him. He made me feel perfect. I wanted to talk him into spending the summer with me. I want us to have the endless summer I’ve wanted since I graduated high school. I pictured dragging him to Thailand where I’ll make love to him because I’m a sacred whore. I want to feel the summer air caress my skin as we drive Vegas ala Fear and Loathing. I just want him. He gives my punk cunt meaning. I don’t want to remember not being Lacie Pixel.

Tainted.

“I fucking hate you.” I growled as Callum’s hands trailed along the curve of my hip.

“No, you love me.” He sounded so sure, I wanted to smack him, but he was
right. I loved this man.

“I fucking hate that you can do this to me.” My voice was betraying my
words.

“Closer to the truth Lacie.” He said with a dark and mysterious chuckle.

A month ago I didn’t know Callum, I’d seen him around but that was it. A month ago I was a single girl, definitely not wanting for a collar. A month ago I went by my given name which is Ren. Then I met him.

After that first night it felt like I couldn’t breathe without him. Imagine
my shock when he told me he felt the same way. Somehow I’d gotten used to Dominants not showing much love or pride in having a submissive. I did, and Dante did but, too many did not. Yes, I am a Dominant woman and yes I’m aware I’m submitting to a Dominant man.

The irony is delicious.

And not lost on me as he shoves a rather chilly but lubed buttplug in my ass. He’s holding me with one arm and yet I can’t move. I feel bound up completely. Amazing how he does this. I squirm and feign trying to escape, it’s half of the fun. His hand reaches up and he strokes the side of my face. My heart flutter then on the down stroke his hand slapped my face. I loved it.

“So soon and I’m all ready his.” I thought as his hand went to my neck.

Callum’s teeth found my flesh and my harlot’s moan echoed through out the room. His teeth pressed and he chewed my creamy white flesh.

He was marking me.

But, when I feel alone, my second stepdad’s words creep in and i start to feel the same fear he’d place in me. I start to feel fourteen again unsure of myself and wanting validation. I used to pray.

“Oh, wise and mighty Bast, make these things NOT true. Give me to will to go on and make them eat every unkind thing they’ve ever said.” and she did.

I printed out the nicest comments from my Blog’s guest book. I kept them by my bed. Until Stepdad2 found them and burned them as a “pack of lies”
I printed them out again, this time, i carried them in my bag in the secret back zipper pocket.

It feels good to have reminders. Today, I am better and stronger and mostly over it.

Ume has been a constant wellspring of support. I don’t doubt him, I take everything he says as truth. After all he really has no reason to lie to me. Really.
He loves my nerdity and my geekgasm and girly wood moments as much as he loves my screaming in orgasm moments. As I’ve said with him I’m a pretty whole.

I accept that. Even if that little stepdad2 voice kicks in.

A submissive, (me or you) can not truly be a good submissive unless they give themselves totally. This means two things (to me) examining why you want to be this person submissive in the first place. And accepting who you are, and be willing to ask your Master’s help and support in self improvement. Remember you have to want to improve for you, not your Owner.

So. If you’re thinking of paring up you should really be able to answer these questions. Feel free to use mine as guidepost not a guideline!

1. Why do I want to belong to Ume?
Simply put, He’s Ume. My Ume now that I’ve met him, i can’t imagine my life without him. I want to be his because he is kind and generous. He’s VERY Patient with me and always speaks in a loving tone. Even if i’ve made him mad or sad. I want to give him my rarest love, the thing which is growing inside my heart. I want to try to my very best not from a spiteful place anymore but, to make him proud of me. He sees me as Lola first. He respects me as a Dominant and sees me as a partner, who happens to be submissive to him.
I know he’ll nurture me. He won’t deprive me of anything, he likes me as I am. I like him as him. Plus he encourages the geekgasms in me.

I don’t have to hide anything, ever. That is why I wish to belong to Ume.

2. Things I accept about me.
I am a great and rare beast. I have a loving heart and a wicked mind. I’m a big breasted geek girl capable of some pretty big Codex (The Guild) moments, but I want help in being better at managing them. They are usually groundless fears because I’m getting to a place where I’m giving my heart, that’s scary. (I bet deep down, Ume’s scared just a bit.)
I have acknowledged it’s past trauma but its PAST. I am letting it go. Ume has done Nothing but support my tantrum-y little ass. I love him for that.

I was cranky all damn day.

Even Pritkin was gone on some yearly geek pilgrimage! I was cleaning up my chat logs I deleted all the badness. That of course lead to reading, and the urge to call and cry maybe, yell, ask why? He’s my friend now, and I needed to talk to someone.

Ume is usually gone on the weekend, I like to pretend he’s off on quests. Like this weekend, he’s looking for Madame de Pompadour’s hair combs! The Jade ones imported from China. My lovers not being around gave me time to pontificate.

I shouldn’t ever be allowed to do that.

I feel left out. I’m not a submissive, and I’m not a Dominant. I’m both. This makes me not fit in anywhere. I can’t hang with Doms, they can’t understand how I can “lower” myself. Ume is the only one who treats me as an equal when it’s applicable. He understandsI’m his and Babykat is mine. That’s why I love him, er well I’m starting to.
And well, the subs don’t have that sisterhood vibe with me. A few are quite uppity and are quite rude to me. They never see me as one of them,i’m NOT one of them. My seven years in BDSM I’ve had 4 meaningful relationships. Never as an “out” switch. Those partners knew me as one or the other. Two actively squelched the “side” they didn’t like. Like the way my mother used to tell me never to tell people I didn’t know where my dad was. It only reinforced I was broken.

My Ume and Babykat are the only ones besides Jak to not look at me and see beautiful pieces but, a pretty whole. I had an epiphany, once I suss it out in my Tantrum Report I’ll talk more about it.
More tomorrow.

This quote describes how I believe Pritkin feels for me.

“Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have.”
–Henry Rollins

I feel it for Him.

Seeing Pritkin with her hurts. Even if I get to fuck him. I gave him special parts of me, I “infected” him with my fetish. (I seem to have a habit of doing that, sorry.)

He is having his cake and eating it too, I know this. Then again, so will I. He and I are truly well matched in that we can do this. People who haven’t experienced this will say he’s snowballing me or blowing smoke up my ass. You might be right, but I’d lay huge odds you’re wrong..

I’m copying part of an email here so that I may keep it and clarify Pritkin for everyone AND me.

(In case You’re reading Pritkin, I removed all identifying text, I think. I wanted to keep this, but will remove if you desire.)

“ I feel like an ass for lying to you. I feel like a heel for not telling you from the get go who I was. I honestly wish I had known you would be back and looking for Me when I met [sub-her], and maybe things would not have gotten this far. I wish I had not been chicken and told you about My marriage when it first happened. Maybe you could have warned Me about marrying someone that wasnt into any kink whatsoever.

Please forgive Me. Forgive Me for lying to you. Forgive Me for never being able to do things right when it comes to U/us. Forgive Me for always seeming to choose someone other than you. I always feared I would never be enough for you. Or for anyone. I know I’m not enough for My wife. I’m a bad Dominant…still only learning despite the years of trying. Forgive Me…please, forgive Me.”

The thing is, for me he’s ALWAYS been enough. I just think we’ve been afraid of the way we feel. He’s taught me not doubt my feelings. Trust my gut. If I hadn’t fought to love him. To feel that, a love like ours. I would have never trusted my feelings about Babykat. I’d have let her pass through my fingers. I have faith. I have faith in love and Pritkin.

I forgive him. I’m guilty of some sins. I am not above some of our crazy dance we call love. I never intended to make him feel not enough. He is enough and he’s my kind of man. He inspires me, he pulled me into writing Erotica.
He has helped shaped the Geisha you all love.

This post as been helped along in part by Pritkin and the great wordsmith Henry Rollins.

I know..I’m bad.

Multiple collars have never bothered me, its the way some people pass out their ownership like it was candy. I love everyone I consider mine.Perhaps, deeper than I should. My ownership is not candy. My ownership is warmth and knowing you always have a home. My ownership is knowing I’m going to hurt you and rip you apart and put you back together.

I have been bad. I have displeased Him. I’m mad at myself I really did just forget. My pussy aches akin to blue balls. I used to get this after sex dreams when I was younger, I kind of liked it. Not now, its mixed with shame.

It wasn’t intentional it was just because it was text. I gave Him ideas on how to punish me. I hope He does, I really like Him.

He knows I want Him. He calls me His with confidence. It’s not faked and it’s not arrogance that makes Him do this. I feel like He can read my thoughts and as much as I love or have loved everyone in my “cast list” (remember, a good deal of those are exes I’ll randomly talk about.) I know I’ll love Him just that little bit extra. Because He will be my second serious collar.

Or would it be my first? I’ll have to ask.

All I can do is hope for the best, and hope I can arrange some playtime before I have to go to visit my in laws in Seattle. (Can you see the joy?) To bring home Canary, hopefully for good.

I’ve just been so frazzled lately. My family shrunk, I lost friends over stupid things. I’m hoping they come round over time, we shall see. I’ve been selfish in doing things for myself lately and I’ve been enjoying this. Paulo pointed out if I want five lovers why not have them, as long as all parties involved know I’m fine. I only have myself to please.
I’m not sure if I want quite so many just the one I have in mind.
…and Him.

This is me waiting…