Yesterday was a lazy day, Jak and I couldn’t decide if we wanted to go out. Everything sounded good, tacos at the mall, staying home. The hours passed, we couldn’t nail down any plans. Babykat called, I lazed about explaining my penchant for wearing a packing cock and being called Kadin in my younger teenage wildlife days. She was surprised, everyone always is.
I’m a girl. A damn fine super vixen. But, look at me just right and I’ll transform into a brutal suit wearing boy called Kadin. She seemed skeptical but, after making her cum twice, Kadin is now part of this Dirty Geisha we call “Batling” He’s her boygirlfriend.
After that, Jak and I still couldn’t get up and out.
Ume IMed from work. Even there, so far away. His energy crackled over my skin. I sat quietly talking with Ume about my overwhelming desire to have him. A small trinket to hold in my hands. We agreed, that he held in his hands. We want the same things. I melt. I’m telling myself he’s said we’re a couple why am I afraid to admit it to people?
Then it dawns on me. I’m afraid no sooner than I do that. He’ll have to leave me, he’ll set me free, to be fair he’ll say. Now that he’s pinky promised (a gesture I didn’t have to explain, bonus sexy appeal Mistah Ume.) I feel better.
Still, how to begin?
Anyway, Ume has to go, so I sigh and watch.
So, I ask Jak “What are we doing?” I say looking at the quickly darkening sky. He says nothing, I don’t even hear breathing. Fear sets in, what if he’s dead?
Then he stands up and I’m about ready to ask again. All of the sudden his lips are on mine. Jak never kisses. More aptly he never kisses like in romance novels. His hands are on my body and I’m trying to find his neck. His one sexual weakness.
It’s mine, target acquired, he’s moaning as I bite, lick, and kiss. His mouth sucks at my nipple, something he rarely does anymore. No longer fearful of the breast milk that once was produced. Moans and jerking unsure movements are all I’m capable of.
He grabs me to flip me on my belly.
“Babykat and Ume are watching.” He whispers in my ear hitting my pussy with his cock. I could see them there! Ume with a bemused smirk wearing a Brooks Brothers suit complete with a visible hard on. Babykat wearing just a tee shirt my dollar coin on her neck rubbing her pussy.
Then a miracle happens. Jak slips a finger into my pussy. Jak has finger fucked me maybe six times through out our five years. He’s always rough, you can tell he doesn’t know how. No girl ever explained how to I suppose. Two reasons why I don’t, I’m afraid if I stop and teach playtime will stop.
I’m a sick fuck the pain gets me off.
He’s finger fucking me while they watch is all I can think. Ume finally pulling out his cock, stroking it. He’s arranged this.I think. Did he? Did he tell Jak I was wet and needed sex?
Babykat’s fingering herself whimpering. I love watching her like this, denied cock so she just has to touch her own pussy, which I own, so she’s not cumming.
Jak’s fingers slide into my asshole. It hurts.Oh my god does it hurt. I’m trying to get away Jak’s holding me there. He forces me to orgasm. Painfully. Pain pushes me into it headlong, I’m yelling, I think. Jak’s up and off the bed before I’m done My now empty pussy is clenching and angry.
It ends with me ass up in the air, tears on my eyes. Rolling onto the mattress.
I’d sucked his cock before.
My tongue knew every inch, not just his cock either. I’m pretty sure I’ve run my tongue over every inch of that chocolate skin of his.
We met about two years back when a previous Master of mine suggested a threeway. We had even discussed John taking over ownership of me after Master left us both.
He never did, despite all my trying and hints that I wanted this to happen. I think he doesn’t out of respect, that’s okay. I’m always fine with being his little playmate, whenever he asked. It never really occurred to me to think “Oh he’s a black guy…” I always just thought “Oh, it’s John, I hope he let’s me…”
Tonight John took me to a club, an upscale gay bar with a heavy cross dresser aesthetic. I always wanted to look my best when going out with John, he always dressed very nice. I think he knew that suits got me off, not suits alone but, give me a man in a suit and I couldn’t resist. I had to get as much girl-juice on the crotch as I could.
The club had play areas in the back to use them you had to be a membership. John was, tonight I was his plus one. I couldn’t be happier. We ordered drinks at the bar and took in the scene.
“I want to play with cock tonight.” He whispered his lips on my ear, his breath sending shivers down my spine. I could only press my ass into his legs and nod a limp reply.
***
An hour later we were back in the “Pink Pleasure” room, I was down on my knees my ass jutting out semi exposed while my lips were wrapped firmly around John’s rather meaty prick. My eyes were watching his, I was fixated. I knew others were watching. If I didn’t stay focused, I would run. Listening to his moans was making me wet, I was sure everyone behind me could see. In a daring moment when I’m gagging on his nice thick cock, I spread my thighs.
To a few muffled gasps.
John’s hands were running over my ass, I could tell because he had to move to pet me which caused him to force more cock into my mouth. He must have decided that that felt good because he started fucking my mouth.
The kind fucking only intended for someone’s pussy. Drool was coating his cock now and the lower half of my face. He didn’t seem to care though. His hand was on the back of my head, pushing me down.
Holding me there.
I couldn’t breathe. My pussy shuddered and clenched with a dull ache. My heart beat faster as I pressed my pussy to the floor. Every cell of my body screaming for relief. I was certain I was going to black out, the room was spinning and I just couldn’t….
Gasping.
I was coughing and gasping my whole body shaking as I was sucking in air again. I could breathe, still my lips instinctively reached out again for his cock. Sucking him once more. Just the head, he was almost ready. My mouth sought out his cock instinctively, I was merely an instrument to my own lust. I heard him cry out then i felt the shudder, followed by the warmth.
I swallowed.
My pussy tingled and a sense of relief washed over me. The urgency I felt only moments before abated, I was at peace. My tongue was coated, John being ever the gentleman offered me a sip of his beer. I didn’t take it. Most girls would’ve, anything to offset the taste. However I was not most girls, I am me and I wanted to wear this taste home.
Ah, here we are the second mission. Why won’t Agent 9 be making field agent of the year?
Find out?
I am not easily submissive. Not by a long shot. It’s not that I don’t want to be, because I do. When I really have to try it, however, it never worked. I always know how to get my “dominant” partners to ultimately give me my way.
Except with three.
A terrible track record for someone who had more Dominants than those three. With those three I did not try to be submissive. I was submissive. It was rare, really rare. A feeling I longed for yet, was totally leery of since it was always sudden and total.
He scared me because I wanted him to be more. In my experience, I’ve never had my master and my boyfriend be the same person. It’s just that I’ve always been the “play with them and send them home” type. That’s not to say I didn’t love either man.
But, he was new. He was young like me. We could somehow view things differently. He didn’t just allow my brattiness. He found it endearing. He didn’t consider my pink hair and my piercings “out of place” or “kinky”. They were what made “me” me. He liked me as is.
He didn’t wish me to change to fit some idea of an idealized submissive. Under him I was able to embrace who I was to become a better girl. He did not make me feel shameful. He made me stronger. Even as I was bound, waiting in his chair. Alone. I felt strong.
Today was a very special day. Saidin had tied me in pretty pink ropes. My legs were the only things forced open. He had me spread open with a spreader bar.
“Be a good girl,” he had said pulling on his boots. “I’ll be right back.”
That could have been minutes, but it felt like hours ago. Ages. I pondered this.
Saidin had left a full length in front of me. My nipples were hard and my breast seemed bigger, looking at them bound. I’m a bit vain in knowing I can get wet just looking at myself. I suppose that’s why I did porn. Part of it anyways.
I watched my pussy moisten as my pussy lips got puffy. As a teenager, I thought my pussy was disgusting since my inner lips were slightly longer than my outer ones. Now, I longed to touch them. I loved them.
Saidin stood behind me. I was unaware of him until he was stroking my collarbone. His finger moved down slowly, stroking my skin. He reached my nipples and pinched them hard. I cried out, but my eyes were transfixed. I was watching us.
As he came around in front of me, I smiled. He just grinned and unzipped his pants. I wanted it in my mouth badly. I knew he wasn’t going to give me that satisfaction. Tonight he was going to fuck me. His cock was rigid and perfect. It made my pussy juices gush. I was getting his chair messy, but I don’t believe that Saidin cared about his chair at the moment.
He pulled my hips out so my back now rested in the puddle. He drove his cock into my terminally tight cunt. I moaned, arching my back sinking myself all the way to the base. His eyes were intense as he slammed into and out of me. I felt myself flush as I studied the features of his face.
I was going to orgasm looking at him. He made sure of it, smirking as he slammed into me, finally digging his nails into the flesh around my hips.
I gasped.
My hips pushed me off as I rolled them, my pussy answering, spitting out my slickness and his seed. I was panting I was a beautiful mess. Saidin freed my ankles, and I extended my legs cautiously. Slowly, as he freed me, I began to come back to my senses. “Damn,” I whispered.
“That’s my girl,” he said, smiling back at me.
“Want to watch Doctor Who?” I asked hopefully.
“After I give you a bath, you’re filthy.” he said, picking me up and carrying me to his bathtub .
At the tea party, during the rounds of trading places, Alice finds herself
bewildered and befuddled, and many other sorts of “be” ending in
confusion. The flurry of motion and Alice tripped, landing against the Mad
Hatter. She looked up at him in the moment before he sat back down,
passing out scones, tea, and other nibblets.
Seeing that the Hatter, mad as he was, was possibly the most sane
individual (not to mention the most human) Alice found herself oddly
comforted and climbed up into the Hatter’s lap.
“Why hello there. When did I become a chair?”
“Oh, you’re not really a chair, but….” Alice started, cut off by the
clatter of cups and saucers as the March Hare and Dormouse fussed about
their tea sets. Her big blue eyes stared up at the wild eyed Hatter.
“Oh, well, I do have a place for you to sit. I suppose….but….” the
Hatter stopped, and shouted “CHANGE PLACES!” getting up swiftly, carrying
Alice around to the next place, scrambling over the table and plopping
down in the next chair.
“Oh!” Alice said, flustered. “Is it always this crazy?”
“Crazy? Crazy!? Hardly, little boy.”
“But, I’m not a little boy…”
“Are you now?” the Hatter looked at the small girl on his lap as if
pondering a profound truth. “I suppose we can see about that.”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean what do I mean? I’m mad, not mean, little boy,” the
Hatter scoffed, pulling Alice’s dress up a little bit. Sipping tea with
one hand, his other sliding up and down her thigh.
Alice, shocked by the Hatter’s touch, turned red. She was innocent enough
to not realize the Hatter’s intention, but she was old enough to know that
something was out of sorts. The knowledge, if not the realization caused
her stomach to stir and make her squirm on the Hatter’s lap.
“Mr. Hatter?”
“Yes?” The March Hare spoke up, sloshing tea around onto the table, to
which the Hatter threw a hot buttered scone squarely at the furred head of
the disheveled Hare.
“Hmm, it’s raining,” the Hare pondered, pouring tea for the Mouse.
The Hatter looked down at Alice again, his hand slipping up higher under
her skirt. “Here, have some more tea? It is almost after-thimbus.”
Alice gasped as the Hatter’s touch. She could even feel something stir
under her. Wonderland was full of sensations and people she had never felt
before, but there was something strange and real about the Hatter’s
growing girth under her youthful rear.
Moments later, as the March Hare and Dormouse, lost themselves in
reflective puddles of tea and shards of porcelain, the Mad Hatter explored
under Alice’s skirt with the deftness of a hand used to moving about
fabric, the other preoccupied with pouring and drinking tea. Alice herself
was lost in a heady sensation, never been touched before, assaulted on all
senses, even reason at the Hatter’s fingers and thick outline of his
shaft.
Heady, lost in the moment as she was in Wonderland itself, Alice started
to press back against the Hatter’s lap. The rigidity gave her something to
push against as the Hatter’s hand kept exploring her under-skirts.
The sensation sent a bolt up her spine, causing a short gasp to escape her
lips. That gasp caused a small cessation in the clattering tea party. It
only lasted for a moment, before the chaos resumed, causing the Mad Hatter
to look down at Alice. “So, how is a raven like a riding desk?”
“I…don’t….” Alice said, gasping, “Know. Mr. Hatter. Ohhh…”
“Me neither,” the Hatter grinned, pushing his hips up a little to meet
Alice’s fevered grinding. The hand under her skirt on her hip to guide her
along the length of his shaft, rubbing against her firmly.
Soon after, the Hatter was pushed beyond his limit, causing him to hold
Alice’s backside to him, wedging himself up against the creases of her
skirt. His orgasm filled his pants suddenly, the change in sensation
causing Alice to collapse from her first orgasm as well, the small
convulsions shaking her body uncontrollably.
I have this problem. I’m a prepare for the worst and hope for the best kind of girl. It’s just how I was raised. I know Babykat and Ume love me. I can feel it. I know Jak wouldn’t marry a girl he couldn’t stand. I know these things.
But, when I feel alone, my second stepdad’s words creep in and i start to feel the same fear he’d place in me. I start to feel fourteen again unsure of myself and wanting validation. I used to pray.
“Oh, wise and mighty Bast, make these things NOT true. Give me to will to go on and make them eat every unkind thing they’ve ever said.” and she did.
I printed out the nicest comments from my Blog’s guest book. I kept them by my bed. Until Stepdad2 found them and burned them as a “pack of lies”
I printed them out again, this time, i carried them in my bag in the secret back zipper pocket.
It feels good to have reminders. Today, I am better and stronger and mostly over it.
Ume has been a constant wellspring of support. I don’t doubt him, I take everything he says as truth. After all he really has no reason to lie to me. Really.
He loves my nerdity and my geekgasm and girly wood moments as much as he loves my screaming in orgasm moments. As I’ve said with him I’m a pretty whole.
I accept that. Even if that little stepdad2 voice kicks in.
A submissive, (me or you) can not truly be a good submissive unless they give themselves totally. This means two things (to me) examining why you want to be this person submissive in the first place. And accepting who you are, and be willing to ask your Master’s help and support in self improvement. Remember you have to want to improve for you, not your Owner.
So. If you’re thinking of paring up you should really be able to answer these questions. Feel free to use mine as guidepost not a guideline!
1. Why do I want to belong to Ume?
Simply put, He’s Ume. My Ume now that I’ve met him, i can’t imagine my life without him. I want to be his because he is kind and generous. He’s VERY Patient with me and always speaks in a loving tone. Even if i’ve made him mad or sad. I want to give him my rarest love, the thing which is growing inside my heart. I want to try to my very best not from a spiteful place anymore but, to make him proud of me. He sees me as Lola first. He respects me as a Dominant and sees me as a partner, who happens to be submissive to him.
I know he’ll nurture me. He won’t deprive me of anything, he likes me as I am. I like him as him. Plus he encourages the geekgasms in me.
I don’t have to hide anything, ever. That is why I wish to belong to Ume.
2. Things I accept about me.
I am a great and rare beast. I have a loving heart and a wicked mind. I’m a big breasted geek girl capable of some pretty big Codex (The Guild) moments, but I want help in being better at managing them. They are usually groundless fears because I’m getting to a place where I’m giving my heart, that’s scary. (I bet deep down, Ume’s scared just a bit.)
I have acknowledged it’s past trauma but its PAST. I am letting it go. Ume has done Nothing but support my tantrum-y little ass. I love him for that.
HNT Courtesy of Margaret at They Belong to Us
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Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
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In response to: Gang Bang Curiosity
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Therapy – Two Years
The Lost Art of the Hand Job
Time and Punishment: Some dynamics of male chastity in marriage
We Don’t Need No Education?
You Make My Tummy Funny
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Creating Space in Kink
Discovered
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Method: Episode Two
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Wake-up call
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Back To My Old Tricks
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controlling the beast
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Harmony
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That Kind Of Girl…Who Gets Off In A Crowded Bar
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The Stranger
The realest thing
Wicked Wednesday: Date Night
March 9th, 2010 in
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Weekends are hard, this weekend is especially hard. Jak was at work all day. Babykat was off touring a University and even though she was mobile, I still missed her. I felt lonely with out her. She’s my ray of sunshine. It felt weird without her kisses.
I was cranky all damn day.
Even Pritkin was gone on some yearly geek pilgrimage! I was cleaning up my chat logs I deleted all the badness. That of course lead to reading, and the urge to call and cry maybe, yell, ask why? He’s my friend now, and I needed to talk to someone.
Ume is usually gone on the weekend, I like to pretend he’s off on quests. Like this weekend, he’s looking for Madame de Pompadour’s hair combs! The Jade ones imported from China. My lovers not being around gave me time to pontificate.
I shouldn’t ever be allowed to do that.
I feel left out. I’m not a submissive, and I’m not a Dominant. I’m both. This makes me not fit in anywhere. I can’t hang with Doms, they can’t understand how I can “lower” myself. Ume is the only one who treats me as an equal when it’s applicable. He understandsI’m his and Babykat is mine. That’s why I love him, er well I’m starting to.
And well, the subs don’t have that sisterhood vibe with me. A few are quite uppity and are quite rude to me. They never see me as one of them,i’m NOT one of them. My seven years in BDSM I’ve had 4 meaningful relationships. Never as an “out” switch. Those partners knew me as one or the other. Two actively squelched the “side” they didn’t like. Like the way my mother used to tell me never to tell people I didn’t know where my dad was. It only reinforced I was broken.
My Ume and Babykat are the only ones besides Jak to not look at me and see beautiful pieces but, a pretty whole. I had an epiphany, once I suss it out in my Tantrum Report I’ll talk more about it.
More tomorrow.
The Beginning
I’m the type of girl who gets bored easily. If I let myself get too bored I get up to no good. I do “naughty” things out of sheer lack of something better to do. I’ve always been bad, my mother said so.
Summer has always bored me to tears, expect for that summer where I lived in London. But, that’s a story for later, if you’d like.
“Have fun, Be nude, Earn money” That was all the ad said. I assumed that it was a porn site looking for models. I was wrong, so very wrong.
The ad was placed by an art gallery which catered to a very specialized art crowd. It shocked me at first, but after running my own porn site this was nothing. I thought.
“Ms. Batling” said my very striking interviewer. “You have a very impressive background. Nude modeling and phone sex?” Her green eyes inspected me looking me over, I could see hunger in her eyes. But, what was she hungry for?
“Thanks, I try never to be bored but my true passion is writing.” I said smiling at her.
“Oh, I know. I have read your work, it’s policy to Google search all applicants.” She said with a smirk. I laughed nervously wondering what else the search had yielded.
“We here like to provide our clients with upscale entertainment.” She said still watching me. I braced myself for impact.
“We think you’ll really fit in. Would you like to start today?”
Another shock, I was hired. They wanted me to work here.
“Sure,” I said.
The woman who was now my boss I supposed had introduced herself as Saea Angel. I guessed it wasn’t her name but, it was pretty like her. She told me she had been given the gallery by her father. Strange family business, but who was I to judge?
“I’ll be giving you orientation.” Miss Angel said getting up from here desk. I followed behind her. Past the “Media Wing” and into the private members only section “The Rogues Gallery” I was told it was like a peep show.
What I saw before me was no peep show. It was like a museum exhibit of dioramas of the greatest sex scenes. There was a girl dressed as Marie Antoinette off to my left. My eyes where glued to the scene not the sex, the background, it was so opulent.
I wondered what my booth would be like. As if reading my mind Miss Angel stopped three cases ahead of me.
“Lola, here’s your fantasy.” She called back to me. I raced to catch up blushing and embarrassed. I was almost afraid to look.
Everything was black, the walls and floor. At first I didn’t see the bed or the other furniture. Only the shinny surfaces tipped me off. It took a moment for me to realize what I was looking at.
It was a dungeon. Miss Angel smiled as she watched my face.
“You’ll be paired up with two submissives during hours. They rotate, for obvious reasons.” Her voiced sounded husky.
I did know what she meant, I knew very well. I interviewed to be their Sadist. I would be beating my co-workers, and I would do so with relish. It was my nature, I take joy in hurting others.
“It’s perfect.” I said smiling taking her hand.
My first partner was a man named Dinari. He was very breathtaking, he was vaguely European looking. He was tall and lean with dark hair and slate grey eyes. He was also already nude. Oh yes, I was going to love this job. I watched him as he walked into my booth.
“Miss Batling?” He asked scanning me similarly to the way Miss Angel did.
“That’d be me.” I said undoing my bra.
“Well,” He said looking at me, licking his lips. “It’s not everyday I get such a beautiful abuser.”
“Unzip me?” I said teasing him. He was quick to move behind me and he was graceful. I’d have to ask him if he was a dancer. He helped my skirt down my legs his hand traced along my skin. He stood again leaning into and whispered in my ear.
“No panties and an under bust corset, the customers will love that.”
“ I think you do too.” I said my honeyed fuck me voice poured out of my mouth. My fingers instinctively wrapped around the whip.
The Rouge’s Gallery was opening in 15 minutes. I didn’t want to wait, I wanted to rip him open watch him twist in agony. He noticed my need and smiled as he walked over to the arm restraints wordlessly placing his arms inside. Smiling I walked behind him, strapping him in.
“If I hurt you beyond your limits please use the house safe word.”
He nodded as I pulled the whip back, I filled my lungs with air and brought the whip down . He flinched and I purred.
I had gasps behind me. I didn’t turn my head, I let the onlookers stare at my round, firm ass and wish it was them under my care. I bought the whip down again and again. Each time harder making flinch and moan. When my arm was tired I leaned forward pressing my tits into his back so I could reach his erect cock. I wrapped my hand around his shaft gripping his cock making him groan with pain.
My legs were spread wide, the onlookers got a great view of my swollen pussy, they could tell I loved my new job.
I let his wrists free, and turned him to face the crowd. I smiled wide to the crowd. The sounds of sex were just starting through out the hall. I pushed Dinari to his knees on the satin covered bed. Then I laid down, spreading my thighs.
Instinctively he knew what I wanted but just to be certain, I reached out catching his hair in my hand. I pulled him closer forcing his my mouth to my spread pussy. His tongue traced over my outer lips before he nipped at my clit. The contact of his teeth made me shiver. I pressed my thighs to his ears my fingers still curled in his hair.
“Fucking eat my pussy.” I yelled so he could hear me. He simply nodded driving his tongue into me. I arched my back pushing down into him. If every day at work was going to be this fun.
I dug my nails down into his neck and shoulders. I felt him shudder and moan while he was probing inside my pussy with his tongue. I bit my lip and let out a sigh. My body shivered in delight as I was planning my next attack.
I growled shoving him away from me, rushing to get up. My breasts moved and bounced Dinari’s eyes followed them helplessly he whimpered. I walked to the back wall, looking at the tools at hand. I slowly scanned them.
I selected the flogger, taking it down, fingering it’s full length. This time I pushed Dinari on the bed. I moved behind him. I stared at the sensual curve of his perfect ass. I had somehow missed his ass completely with the whip. A mistake I wouldn’t make with the flogger. I bought it back and slapped his ass. The sound was satisfying and made my pussy tingle, I was suddenly very aware of my own need to be fucked. I pushed that aside and let the flogger fly. I watched his body move, I could almost feel his thoughts. I lashed him faster, not thinking simply doing. I was running on instinct now.
Tossing the flogger away for a silver bamboo cane. I was moving faster swinging the cane into his flesh. Dinari was screaming now. A sea of gasps came in front of us, beyond us. I listened without stopping my work. It seemed as the though the noise from the other booths had quieted if not stopped.
Dinari refused to say the word, he refused to. I had no choice but to collapse on top of him. Gasping and sweaty my mouth found a stop on his shoulder and bit him hard.
“Thank you.” He whispered kissing my hand. Applause rang out. It was a very surreal experience. I looked up to see Miss Angel standing at the forefront of a sea of people. She looked pleased,very pleased.
