Anatomy of Desire (PT.One)

I’ve been planning how exactly to write this post. I have drafts written in a notebook. It’s nothing major, no one died. I am just trying to work out my feelings, and I realize now. There is many ways to feel about the recent developments in my love life.

I’ll begin by saying some cliches. “The heart wants what it wants” I want two things. An interesting life filled with many passionate moments and tales. Some lovers to share my life with. Pritkin is that to me. His energy feels like home to me. He feels like home.
Pritkin,My on again off again ex of 6 years, actually closer to 7 years in truth.Who just this last year told me He’s been married MOST of that time. I start talking again to him again online. He belongs to new girl, but wants me as well.

He does not wish to tell her about me. I have made peace with this.
He is mine.

Even if it takes me 6 more years I know we will find our place. I am sure. I just must be patient. I will be his pet. I will display his marks. I finally know this for sure. Pritkin has left and i was sad. Pritkin gets girls, I feel lesser.
I beg him to make me special some how different from them. I’ve learned what makes me different, how I love him.

I love Jak, but his love in a different quality. I love Babykat but, its miles different. My love is always different. Pritkin is my first love. Nothing changes that, nothing will erode that.

Truly.

I love Babykat the way I have always yearned to love a woman. It is both pure and filthy. She is my masochist. She is my best friend. Babykat, as my girlfriend wants what’s best for me. I want what’s best for me. Pritkin does too.

Now, I know.

More later as I discuss something with Pritkin. Keep your eyes peeled.