Anatomy of Desire (PT. Two)

Read Part One

This quote describes how I believe Pritkin feels for me.

“Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have.”
–Henry Rollins

I feel it for Him.

Seeing Pritkin with her hurts. Even if I get to fuck him. I gave him special parts of me, I “infected” him with my fetish. (I seem to have a habit of doing that, sorry.)

He is having his cake and eating it too, I know this. Then again, so will I. He and I are truly well matched in that we can do this. People who haven’t experienced this will say he’s snowballing me or blowing smoke up my ass. You might be right, but I’d lay huge odds you’re wrong..

I’m copying part of an email here so that I may keep it and clarify Pritkin for everyone AND me.

(In case You’re reading Pritkin, I removed all identifying text, I think. I wanted to keep this, but will remove if you desire.)

I feel like an ass for lying to you. I feel like a heel for not telling you from the get go who I was. I honestly wish I had known you would be back and looking for Me when I met [sub-her], and maybe things would not have gotten this far. I wish I had not been chicken and told you about My marriage when it first happened. Maybe you could have warned Me about marrying someone that wasnt into any kink whatsoever.

Please forgive Me. Forgive Me for lying to you. Forgive Me for never being able to do things right when it comes to U/us. Forgive Me for always seeming to choose someone other than you. I always feared I would never be enough for you. Or for anyone. I know I’m not enough for My wife. I’m a bad Dominant…still only learning despite the years of trying. Forgive Me…please, forgive Me.”

The thing is, for me he’s ALWAYS been enough. I just think we’ve been afraid of the way we feel. He’s taught me not doubt my feelings. Trust my gut. If I hadn’t fought to love him. To feel that, a love like ours. I would have never trusted my feelings about Babykat. I’d have let her pass through my fingers. I have faith. I have faith in love and Pritkin.

I forgive him. I’m guilty of some sins. I am not above some of our crazy dance we call love. I never intended to make him feel not enough. He is enough and he’s my kind of man. He inspires me, he pulled me into writing Erotica.
He has helped shaped the Geisha you all love.

This post as been helped along in part by Pritkin and the great wordsmith Henry Rollins.

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